I'm Not Okay (I Promise)
by anneryn7
Summary: AU. Peter is grieving Tony's death, when he happens to meet the mercenary that Tony warned him about. Wade is there for Peter, when Peter can't hold it together. Spideypool oneshot. (1st installment in My Spideypool Romance series)


**A/N: Hey guys. So, I've never written anything for this fandom. This is super new to me. I'm sure the characters were at least a little OOC. Sorry about that. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this regardless. I'm going to turn this into a series of connected oneshots. Feel free to subscribe.**

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**I DO NOT OWN **_**DEADPOOL, SPIDERMAN, **_**OR ANY OTHER **_**MARVEL **_**CHARACTERS.**

* * *

Peter wasn't okay. He knew he wasn't. It was getting harder and harder to juggle Spiderman and coping with Mr. Stark's death. He was grieving and angry and lost and he didn't know how to move past it. He felt like it was his fault. He was sure that there was more that he could have done. Mr. Stark was another person that Peter had lost too soon and he didn't know how to cope with that loss. He was one more disaster away from the mental breakdown that should have happened ages ago.

"Spidey! Hey!" Peter heard from behind him. He jumped and turned to see Deadpool. He knew of him, but hadn't really met the man before. He was someone that Mr. Stark had warned him to avoid, but seemed to do more out of annoyance than actual fear. Deadpool didn't play by the rules.

"Um, hi." Peter replied lamely, with a small wave. Deadpool put his hands on the side of his face and his mask changed expressions. He went from shocked to making heart eyes in seconds. Peter was taken aback. This is the guy who is supposed to be a coldblooded mercenary? Has someone told _**him**_ that?

"OH EM GEE! Spiderman just spoke to me! Baby boy, you just made my life. Please tell me that we can be friends, because I'm kinda obsessed with you. I've loved Captain America longer, but you have my heart." Deadpool swooned. For the first time, in a long time, Peter didn't know what to say.

"You want me to be friend?" Peter asked, clearly confused.

"More than anything, baby boy." Deadpool confirmed, as he skipped over to where Peter was perched. "And not just because of your perfect ass."

"I... Friends are actually something I'm short on." He admitted.

"Me too! It's fate. White and Yellow agree." Deadpool gushed.

"Yeah, okay. We can be friends." He told him. Deadpool sat next to him and beamed at him, with his chin perched on his palms.

"You won't regret this, Spideybabe." Deadpool promised. Despite Deadpool's words, Peter wasn't sure if he would or not.

"I gotta run, but it was nice to meet you, Deadpool. I'll see ya around." Peter told him, before he took off swinging his way home.

"Oh Em Gee! Spiderman knows my name!" He heard the mercenary squeal from behind him.

* * *

Peter was glad that school was over, because it was one less thing to worry about. After the fiasco with Mysterio, he didn't think that he could handle anything else. He wanted to lay low and focus on taking down the small time criminals in his neighborhood. That's what he was good at. That's what he was comfortable with. That was more his speed.

He had just finished webbing up a would-be bank robber, when he heard someone creep up behind him. I turned and saw none other than Deadpool. He was waving and clutching a picture of Spiderman with hearts drawn on it and a silver sharpie.

"Webs, can I please get your autograph?" Deadpool asked, striking a dramatic star struck pose. Peter chuckled, but held out his hand for the picture, all the same. Deadpool let out a high picked shriek and handed it over, sharpie in tow. Peter signed it, _'To Deadpool, love Spiderman. XO'_ and handed it back. "I could kiss you. Seriously, baby boy, can I?" He pleaded with an exaggerated wink.

Peter was still baffled by the fact that Deadpool's mask was so expressive. Deadpool was growing on Peter. He wasn't harmless, per se, but he wasn't a threat to Peter. He found the mercenary's enthusiasm and flirting strangely endearing.

"On the cheek," Peter agreed with a shrug. Deadpool squee-ed and pressed a masked kiss on his cheek. He let his hand trail down and grabbed a handful of Peter's backside, before backing away. The hero blinked, trying to figure out what happened, when he was groped by the older man. Deadpool just batted his eyelashes and looked completely unremorseful. "You didn't even by me dinner." Peter teased.

"Oh! Shit. He's right, White. Buying him dinner first is the gentlemanly thing to do. Do you want to, Baby Boy? Let's go get tacos. I'm starving." Deadpool lamented. Peter watched him curiously. He had skimmed SHIELD's file on him, after their last encounter. He knew that Deadpool heard voices, but it was still a sight to see.

"Alright, but you're buying." Peter accepted the dinner invitation.

"Of course, I'm buying. What kind of man do you think I am?"

* * *

Peter kept seeing Deadpool more and more. He didn't know if it was actual coincidence or if the mercenary was purposefully trying to run into him. Either way, he had begun to look forward to it. It was one of the few things that was keeping him going.

He was able to confide in his Aunt May, but she was spending more and more time with Happy. He felt guilty for taking so much of her time, when she was finally happy. Ned was back together with Betty. And stayed distracted, understandably so. MJ was great, but she and Peter decided that they worked better as friends. Still, it was a little awkward between them. More than anything, Peter just wished that he could talk to Mr. Stark.

His death hit him in a way that he would never be prepared for. He never expected to meet Mr. Stark. He never could have fathomed the impact that Mr. Stark would have on the world, let alone his life. He believed in Peter in a way that few had. He believed at his core, that he, measly Peter Benjamin Parker could actually change the world. He trusted a teenager to make an actual difference in a world full of evil, greediness, chaos, aliens, and gods. He believed that Peter was good enough to take over for him, once he was gone.

In a lot of ways, Mr. Stark wasn't just Peter's late mentor. He was a father figure that Peter never really had. He understood Peter is ways that almost no one did. He understood his love of science and his need to do the right thing, even when it put his life at stake. He saw Peter in a way that Peter had never been seen before.

Mr. Stark knew that Peter was important, even on the days that Peter felt worthless and wanted to die. He was only a kid. How could he make a difference, when he couldn't even overcome what he was feeling? Peter didn't understand it, but Mr. Stark had. And now Mr. Stark was gone and there's no way he'll ever be back.

His heart ached in a way that it hadn't with his parents or his Uncle Ben. He mourned the loss of his mentor and his friend. He mourned the loss of the father figure that had actually chose him and made him feel important and seen and loved. How can he move past his grief, when the only person who can make it better is the person who is no longer here?

Peter wasn't okay and he was getting worse at pretending like he was. He was barely functioning and some days, it hurt to even think about putting on his Spiderman suit. He was spiraling and he didn't know how to stop it.

* * *

Peter laid on a rooftop clad in his Spidey-gear and just stared at the sky. He knew what was up there beyond the stars. He had been up there. He had fought up there. He had died up there.

After he came back from being Snapped, the memories came back. He remembered how he had died and what had happened, before The Avengers went back in time and saved the world. Most of humanity didn't. Some got little flashes. Mr. Banner thought it might have something to do with his Spidey sense, but there was no way to know for sure.

He made a mental note to go see Mr. Banner the following day. He wasn't Mr. Stark, but sometimes being around him helped. His heart ached and he just wanted it to stop.

He didn't try to stop the outpour of tears that cascaded down his face and soaked his mask. He was thankful that there was no one around to hear his loud sobs. His pain was soul deep and no amount of gut-wrenching tears would help ease it.

"Webs, is that you?" Deadpool asked, cheerfully. Peter didn't even have enough composure to attempt to hide his breakdown or flee from the embarrassment of getting caught crying.

"Shit," Peter cried as he tried and failed to get his emotions under control.

"Hey, are you hurt? Talk to me, Spidey. I can help." Deadpool rushed over to him and fell to his knees, before sitting down and pulling Peter onto his lap. Peter just let him. He didn't have the strength, emotional or otherwise, to stop him. "Can you breathe under there? Do you want me to take off your mask?" Deadpool pressed. Peter shook his head. Deadpool rolled Peter's mask up over his nose.

"It hurts." He choked out.

"What hurts, Baby Boy?" Deadpool whispered.

"I - I don't know what to do without Mr. Stark. I feel so lost without him. He expected me to stronger. He thought I was strong enough to do this and to take over for him one day. I'm not. I'm just a teenager. I can't. I've lost so many people. Why did I have to lose him, too?" Everything that Peter was feeling came rushing out, before he could even contemplate stopping it.

"Iron Man? Were you close? He always seemed like he favored you the most out of the gangly band of supers that help save the world. How old are you, anyway, kid?" Deadpool asked him, quietly.

"Almost eighteen," Peter admitted. Deadpool didn't say anything else, so Peter just continued to talk. "I was fifteen, when he found out who I was and gave me a real suit. He asked me to come help bring in Captain America and the Winter Soldier. I had no idea what I was getting into, but how could I say no? He was larger than life. He was everything I wanted to be. He was powerful and brilliant and he used his abilities to help people. He just knew I could do this and I don't know how. He died, because he went back in time to go save me and everyone else who was erased. I... I'm hurting so much, it feels like I'm dying. How do I move past this?" Peter whimpered. His breathing quickened and Peter put a hand to his chest. It was getting harder and harder to breathe.

"You gotta relax, Webs. No, Yellow, I'm not kissing the adorable jailbait who is having a panic attack." Wade quipped. Without thinking, Peter pulled off his mask and cradled his head in his hands and pulled his knees to his chest. He found so constricted. "Oh, shit, Spidey, I'm sorry." Deadpool apologized.

"Peter," Peter corrected him.

"I'm Wade, Wade Winston Wilson. Pleased to meet ya. Look, I'm gonna kiss you to help stop your panic attack, okay? I'm gonna take off my mask. Don't scream. I've seen your face, so it's only fair." He warned Peter. Peter just nodded, clutching his chest.

He heard Wade take his mask off and then his head was tilted upward and he felt something warm on his lips. Peter gasped in surprise and Wade slipped his tongue into his mouth. Peter moved and tried to get closer to the man. Wade ended the kiss, before Peter was ready, but he was breathing normally and his chest was no longer tight.

He looked at Wade and noticed that he was bald and the scarring on his skin. He didn't have any eyebrows, but his eyebrows were even more expressive in person. Peter was floored. Even with the scarring, Wade was unfairly attractive. He had strong features and his body could rival Thor's.

Peter realized he was staring and blushed. He reached out and traced Wade's mouth with his fingers, before dropped his hand to his lap.

"I'm so sorry. I got snot and tears all over you." Peter apologized. Wade snorted with laughter. Wade wiped his face, absentmindedly and Peter did the same.

"Baby Boy, you can get whatever you want all over any time. It's not like you can make this ugly mug any worse than it is. But you, Spideybabe? You're something wet dreams are made of." Wade brushed off his apologize.

"But you're not ugly." Peter shook his head. Wade looked surprised, by his admission, but didn't say anything. "I didn't mean to cry all over you. I just... I've been struggling and after Mysterio, it got worse. I just... not many people in my life get it. It's hard not to feel responsible and so freaking overwhelmed. So, uh, thanks for being there."

"I'll be there for you any time you need me, Baby Boy. That's a promise. Wade Wilson guaranteed. There's no way I'd let a gorgeous face like that down." Wade insisted. "Here. Give me your phone." Wade held out his hand and waited.

Peter unzipped the hidden pocket on the inside on his suit and pulled out his phone and handed it over. Wade fiddled with it for a minute and then handed it back. Peter saw that he added his number and had texted himself, so he now had Peter's.

"Thank you." Peter uttered. Wade gave him a sheepish grin.

"Anything for my favorite arachnid superhero." He replied. Peter felt warm and safe for the first time in a year. He was still straddling Wade's lap and didn't have any desire to move. "When's your birthday, Baby Boy?"

"August 27th," he admitted. Deadpool nodded, like he was filing the information away for later.

"So you're only jailbait until the end of summer," Wade mused. Peter just shrugged. "How do you feel now? Are you okay?" He asked, suddenly changing the subject. Peter nodded, surprised that he actually was okay. Wade had helped. "Good. Come on, let's go get tacos. They're good for the soul."

* * *

Peter spent the majority of the night with Wade. They ate tacos and they talked. Wade divulged more about himself and Peter listened. Peter told Wade a little more, but he already felt like he had shared more than enough for one night. He didn't need to give Wade his entire sob story, not tonight.

Wade promised to check on him in the morning. He rolled up his mask and did the same with Peter's in the cover of a dark alley, before giving him a kiss goodnight. Peter webbed all the way home in a stunned silence. His mind wasn't racing, but his lips were tingling. His Spidey sense hadn't gone off once, since around Wade, since they met. He felt safe around him. Who would've thunk it?

* * *

_'Good morning, bb! Hope u & ur fine ass slept well, bb boy! I hope the goodnight kiss was OK. I wasn't tryna take advantage of my fav *spider emoji* hero._  
_-DP '_

_'How r u feeling? But like actually feeling? Do u need breakfast burritos? Cuddles? Both?_  
_-DP '_

_'If u ever need 2 talk or fall apart & not b alone, I'm here. I know what it's like. U don't ever have 2 b alone, bb boy._  
_-DP '_

Peter snorted, when he saw that Deadpool had saved his name as 'DP *kiss emoji*, *heart eyes emoji*, *black heart emoji*, *red heart emoji*, *knife emoji*. It was very true to Wade's character. Peter had a friend, who was maybe more than a friend. Wade was someone that Peter didn't have to hide things from. It felt freeing.

_'Morning. I slept really well, actually. The goodnight kiss probably helped. Thanks, again, for being there. I appreciate you. As lame as it is to admit, you make me feel safe and that's something I wasn't sure that I could still feel. I need to take a shower before I go see Mr. Banner, but I would love to get breakfast burritos and/or cuddle afterwards. _  
_-Peter'_

Peter texted him back, before dragging himself out of bed and going through the motions of getting ready for the day. He spent longer than normal in the shower, but he felt much more human, when he emerged. He put on a nicer pair of his tight jeans, a funny science themed graphic tee shirt that used to be looser, before his Spiderman muscles bulked up. He pulled on a burgundy sweater and a light jacket over it, with a pair of Vans. He pushed his glasses onto his face and grabbed his phone and wallet.

_'OMG Spideybabe is actually flirting w me? Kiss me, so I know it's real. Just let me know what time, bb boy. It's a date! *(three) kiss emojis*_  
_-DP '_

_'Sounds great, Wade. I'll call you, when I leave the lab._  
_-Peter'_

It didn't take Peter long to get to Stark Laboratories. He zoned out through most of it. Once the school year began, he was hoping to resume his internship. He missed if, terribly. Even if it did remind him of Tony, it was a part of himself that he has missed.

* * *

"Peter?" Bruce asked, as he looked up from his work. His mouth curved into a smile and Peter walked over to him and wrapped his arms around the taller man. "This is a pleasant surprise."

"I've just really been missing Mr. Stark, lately. And I realized it's been a while, since I've seen you." Peter explained, as he pulled away.

"You're always welcome here, Peter. Have you thought about continuing your internship? I know you needed time, but you can work on anything you want and honestly, Tony left a scholarship for you to be able to go to any college you want." Bruce told him. Peter's eyes watered and his heart soared. Even from the grave, Tony was still helping him.

"I do want to come back. I just... I needed the summer. I'm going to defer for a year, after my senior year. I'm not ready for university yet. It's too much too soon. I want to get back into science first. Will you mentor me?" Peter asked, unable to keep how hopeful he was out of his voice.

"I'd be honored, Peter. You're brilliant. You're going to go places. You're already changing the world. Imagine what breakthroughs you can make with science?"

* * *

Peter felt infinitely better, leaving Bruce. He shouldn't have stayed away as long as he had. He just hadn't been ready to face him, not yet. He was glad that he went today. It helped his peace of mind.

"Hi Baby Boy!" Wade answered Peter's call. Peter chuckled. He's always so excited to talk to him. It's refreshing.

"Hey Wade, I was just calling to see it you were able to meet soon?" Peter explained.

"Oh, baby, I'm ready and willing. Meet me at the normal place in twenty?" Wade purred.

"Sounds good. I'm in normal clothes. I left the suit at home." Peter added. Wade got quiet. "You're welcome to wear whatever you like, of course."

"I gotta look my best, since I have a hawt date. Wait till you see his ass. It's so perfect, I could cry." Wade teased. Peter just laughed. "See ya soon, Spiderbabe!"

* * *

Peter was waiting at an empty table, when Wade strolled in without his normal suit or mask. He looked uncomfortable and kept fidgeting, as he sat down across Peter. Peter just beamed at Wade. Wade instantly relaxed.

Peter took in Wade's appearance. He was in a tight fitting tee shirt, a oversized hoodie and jeans. It did nothing to take away from his muscular build. Peter didn't realize he had a size kink, but apparently it did something to him. So what? Sue him.

"You look great, Wade." Peter promised. Wade looked skeptical, but Peter knew that everything about him oozed sincerity. After a scrutinizing moment, Wade relaxed.

"Me? Sweetheart, flattery will get you everywhere. But have you seen yourself? I didn't even know you wore glasses. That's not even fair. You're gonna make me come in my pants." He whined. Peter let out a bark of laughter. "So what's on the agenda?"

"I believe I was promised burritos and cuddling." Peter reminded him.

"Believe me, Baby Boy, that's definitely gonna happen."

* * *

They ended up at Wade's apartment, after eating their fill of Mexican food. It looked cleaner, than Peter imagined it would be. They were on the couch watching The Golden Girls. Peter was lying with his head on Wade's chest. Wade had a hand stroking Peter's hair and the other arm securely around his middle.

"This is nice." Peter whispered. Wade hummed in agreement. This is the quietest he's ever heard the mercenary.

"I could get used to this." Wade agreed.

"Then we should keep doing it. I'm a fan of cuddle dates with you." Peter suggested. He looked up to see Wade smiling at him and he pressed his lips against Wade's. He kept it short and sweet, before settling back against the other man's chest.

"I would love to, Baby Boy. How are you feelin'?" Wade asked. Peter gave him a ghost of a smile.

"Right now, I feel okay. You make me feel good. I just... between spending time with you and talking to Mr. Banner I feel like I'm gonna be okay. I know it won't be immediate and I'll have to really work at it, but I think I'm really gonna be okay someday." Peter confessed.

"You will be, Petey-Pie. I promise." Wade agreed. When he said it, I actually believed it. "Besides, what kind of boyfriend would I be, if I let you suffer?"

"Boyfriend?" Peter echoed. He hadn't thought about, really. Their new friendship had evolved so fast into the kissing and cuddling. And yeah. They had gone on a couple of taco dates. Peter did want that with Wade. He didn't realize how much, until now.

"I told you that dropping the 'B' bomb would scare him, White. This is why I didn't want to bring it up." Wade huffed. He caught Peter looking at him and he cleared his throat. "I mean, I know we haven't talked about it, Baby Boy, but you should know that I'm Grade A, straight out of a rom-com, will never leave ya wanting, boyfriend material." Wade added with a blinding smile.

"I'd love to be your boyfriend. Just remember that I'm jailbait until the end of August." Peter teased. Wade's smile turned into a grimace.

"I cannot keep my hands off of that fine ass for a month, Petey-Pie. It's not physically possible. It's literally perfect. You could crack an egg on that tight ass of yours, Baby Boy." Wade whined. Peter just laughed.

"I didn't say that you had to keep your hands off. Just that I'm not of age yet and I haven't actually done that... I just wanna go slow. I don't have much experience. I was too busy trying to figure out my spider powers and save the world and come back to life and deal. Sex kind of fell by the wayside." Peter explained, nervously.

"Hey, I'm great with slow. I'm great with anything involving you, Babe. As long as I can grab those perky globes of sunshine, I'm satisfied. I won't rush ya, Pete. That's not my M.O., B-T-Dubs. Whatever you're willing to share with me is what I want. You're gonna be the best boyfriend ever. I can tell. Apart from me, of course. I -" Wade chattered away, leaving Peter feeling reassured.

"Thanks, Wade. For everything." Peter pressed a soft kiss on Wade's still open mouth, as he was mid-sentence. Maybe in a few months, he really would be okay. Until then, Peter was content cuddling with Wade and macking on his suspiciously teddy bear-like mercenary boyfriend.


End file.
